Parents of a New Infant Might Experience the Following:

OH, Guess what? I have some really good news!!! Today I found out that I get to have a Colonoscopy!!! YAY!! I guess it's supposed to help "save my life". I asked Marisa if I had to do it, and she said "YEP, It's either that, or you have to go to the mall with me and my mom." So, it looks like I have to have the Colonoscopy.

I've never been a shopper. I've only been shopping once, and that was in high school. I bought a 6 pack of white t-shirts, a 6 pack of black t-shirts, a couple thingys of socks and underwear, and some converse tennis shoes. I always look like I'm wearing the same outfit, but in reality, it's all different. It gives the viewer a real feeling of security and solidarity to see a guy wearing the same outfit all the time. When they think "WOLFGANG", they think, "White T Shirt, Blue Jeans, Red Converse Shoes. That's right, I look like the AMERICAN FLAG. I'm a clothing patriot... You know who looks good in clothes? XAVI. XAVI looks good. Not because I dress him though. Marisa picks out his clothes. Our friends were really sweet and gave us van loads of clothes for him at our baby shower. Otherwise XAVI would be in a white t-shirt and blue jeans for the rest of his life. I LOVE BABY SHOWERS! I want to have 6 more kids! Anyway, I'm getting off topic, and the topic is my anus. 

I can't believe that I have to have someone look up my HEE HOO. I haven't been to the doctor in like 115 years. I guess you're supposed to go more than that... Anyway, They told me that if you've been having diarrhea every day for the last 5 years that a Colonoscopy had to be my "new priority" in life. I like my old priorities. Being a stay at home dad is great!

XAVI cried all day Yesterday. He didn't take a nap. He cried. He yelled. He screamed. I couldn't do anything to soothe that little guy. When I turned on the TV, he stopped crying... Do you know what was on? A commercial for depression medicine...This made me realize that there are quite a few similarities between having a new baby and the side effects of depression medicine. The parents of a new infant might experience the following:

anxiety, nausea, dizziness, sensitivity to sound, sensitivity to light, sleepiness, sweating, dry mouth, gas, abnormal or blurred vision, nervousness, insomnia, loss of appetite, hair loss, upset stomach, trouble sleeping, even more sweating, constipation, agitation, changes in taste, tremors, yawning, night terrors, grey hair, heart palpitations, and increased cholesterol.

More serious side effects may include increased heart rate, extreme confusion, seizures, abnormal bleeding or bruising of their anus from a Colonoscopy, sudden eye pain, eye redness, mania or hypomania, decreased sexual desire or ability, anorgasmia or impotence in males.

That's right. When a baby is crying while you and your wife are having "happy time", decreased sexual desire or ability, anorgasmia or impotence in males might occur.

Seek medical attention right away if any of these SEVERE side effects occur: Severe allergic reactions (rash; hives; itching; difficulty breathing; tightness in the chest; swelling of the mouth, face, lips, or tongue); bizarre behavior; blood in the stool; chest pain or discomfort; confusion; decreased concentration; decreased coordination; decreased urination; fainting; fast or irregular heartbeat; fever, chills, or sore throat; hallucinations; memory problems, new or worsening aggressiveness, agitation, hostility, impulsiveness, inability to sit still, irritability, panic attacks, or restlessness; persistent or severe ringing in the ears; red, swollen, blistered, or peeling skin; seizures; severe or persistent anxiety, nervousness, or trouble sleeping; severe or persistent cough; severe or persistent headache, dizziness, stomach pain, or weakness; shortness of breath; significant weight loss; suicidal thoughts or attempts; tremor; trouble concentrating; unsteadiness or loss of coordination; unusual bruising or bleeding; unusual or severe mental or mood changes; unusual weakness; vision problems; worsening of depression.

No, it's not that bad. XAVI is a really great baby! He's a good boy! I truly like being a stay at home dad. I don't get to spend very much time doing manly things around the house anymore though. When I do get time for it, I screw stuff up. For instance -I killed our front lawn. I put weed and feed on it. Normally that wouldn't matter, but the problem is that our lawn was made ENTIRELY of weeds. There was no grass to "feed", so our lawn is a dead weed, hairy, dirt lawn. I tried to mow it... I ended up having to go to the doctor for my asthma. When I got there they asked, "HEY, AREN'T YOU THE GUY THAT HAS TO GET THE COLONOSCOPY?"