OH CUTE!!! So, Are You His Babysitter?

I'll be honest, when Marisa was pregnant, I wasn't sure if we were going to have a "CUTE" baby or not. I was afraid... Very afraid... If XAVI got any of my genes, he would come out looking like a cross between Wayne Rooney and Regis Philbin. This would have been a terrible life for him, so I'm glad that he looks nothing like me and that his mother is an undeniably HOT BABE. That is a scientific fact...Having a baby that looks nothing like you has its drawbacks though. Here's an example.


If you are a stay at home dad, there will be plenty of haters coming your way. These haters have the sole purpose of letting you know how inept and unqualified you are to be caring for a small human being. I've already had the pleasure of dealing with my fair share, and I'm sure there are plenty of others that will be mobbing towards me in the near future.  "That baby needs his mother, why are YOU holding him? You're his dad. You don't even count. He doesn't even look like you".   That's one small example of a comment that I've actually gotten... Here's another one... "So, you're a stay at home dad? Wow, you must be a real loser. You make your wife work so you can be a lazy bum all day? Get a job".... This one happened to me while i was waiting for my wife to get off of work at her giant, multinational, burnt bean, man this stuff tastes like old metal , coffee company...  " OH CUUUUUTE, SO, ARE YOU HIS BABYSITTER? WHERE'S HIS MOM AND DAD"? I could go on, but then everyone would come up to me and say how depressing my blog is. Don't take this the wrong way, but Most Haters Have Been Women. Not ALL, but MOST... The fun part about that is that I get my revenge though. Yes, I do naughty things like deleting these rude people from my Facebook "friends" list. Then, I write ALL of the little, hurtful things that they say to me on a very public blog.
Anyway,
What I've found is that EVERYONE thinks THEY are an expert on babies. Not just any baby...YOUR BABY...  For all of you new "soon to be" dads, you'll quickly learn the different cries that you baby makes... The - "HEY DAAAAAAAD, I'VE GOT A POOOOP"! -The- "HEY! BUUURP ME YOU JERRRRRK"! -The- DON'T MESS WITH ME DAD, I'M A CRANKY LITTLE NOOB THAT'S SLEEPY"! -The- "WHERE'S MOM, I'M HUNNNNNGRYYY"! -The- "GET ME AWAY FROM SOME RANDOM OLD LADY". -The- "GIVE ME BACK THE PACIFIER THAT I JUST KNOCKED OUT OF MY OWN MOUTH DAD, YOU HOMO!...These are just a few of the different cries that you will figure out. Well, what I've found out is that when you're in a group of ladies, middle aged, old, doesn't matter, you'll have the honor of having them tell you that you don't know what you're talking about. For instance, if you know that little Billy hasn't eaten in three hours, he's hungry. He wants food. You'll say, "Well, Billy hasn't eaten in 3 or 4 hours, so he's crying because he's hungry". The onslaught of "Don't listen to your dad, HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT, HE DOESN'T EVEN LOVE YOU", comments blow their way in like a tornado.  They'll say, "You just need a nap, that's all. Your father doesn't have a job, he's a moron. I heard he's gay".... All I can say is that I get my revenge. When we get home, I tell little Billy that those ladies all have scabies, have fake nails, and will soon die of cancer, so don't get too attached. 


Now for the heartbreak segment of our show.


XAVI had to go tho the doctor yesterday. It was his 2 month checkup. He got 3 sets of shots in his thighs. I've never heard him scream like that. These vaccines are great, but they made me want to punch the nurse in the face. He cried most of the night. Not the whimpery, fake cries that dad doesn't know anything about. No he cried the extra large crocodile tears. He loves his Cherry medicine though...


Oh crap, I have way more to write, but my wife just got off of work. I'll have to continue this some other time.