"Yakima" is Native American for "dog poop".

"What did I do for my First Father's Day", you ask? I picked up dog poop... 250,000 tons of it to be exact... For those of you that don't know much about my family,  I'm going to hook you up with some magical details. We have two Great Danes. Rockefeller is 185lbs. He barks all day, he's hyperactive, he's beyond dumb, and he poops more times in a day than XAVI does. He tries as hard as he can to do this inside of our house... Stella is 135lbs. There's nothing Stella likes to do more than eat. If she's not eating, she's fighting. She's a true watchdog. She never barks, so if she does, she's trying to kill another living creature. These dogs go through a 52lb bag of dog food in a week. That means there's around 50 pounds of doodie out in the yard for me to pick up. Well, I missed picking up their giant cow patties for around 5 or 6 weeks due to not having any time. So 95% of my "First Father's Day" was spent out in the yard, filling up 40 gallon trash sacks to the brim with the sweet smells of recycled Great Dane food. The only thing that my dogs are really good for is scaring away solicitors. If I'm not expecting any guests and I hear a knock on my door, I let my dogs answer... I usually have to pick up the solicitor's poop off of the front porch too, but it's worth it.  
Speaking of poop, I had to go to Yakima, Washington for the second part of my "First Father's Day".
There are only a handful of things that I truly HATE in this world, and I'm going to clue you in on what these things are.
1. Aaron Neville's Voice
2. Christina Aguilera's Voice
3. The Devil (aka) My Mother
4. I can't think of anything for number 4, but 
5. YAKIMA, WASHINGTON


Yakima is almost as unbearable as The Bachelorette's fake laugh. 


Anyway, I hate Yakima so much that I'm going to switch subjects so I don't have to discuss that CRAP town anymore. THAT'S how much I hate it.


So, I think I'm on my 3rd week as a stay at home dad. I've been learning plenty. One thing that I forgot to mention to all of the soon to be first time dads out there, was that your wife's hormones will be all jacked up for awhile after she's had the baby. This is normal. You and your wife will be really tired, and it's easy to get upset at each other. Marisa and I would be shouting clear across the house, "WHERE'S THE BINKY, GET THE BINKY". If you've seen the movie Best In Show, It's a lot like the BUSY BEE scene. Anyway, so I've been pretty depressed lately, and I guess it's normal for new parents to go through that. One reason I've been depressed lately is because I feel like I "look like" all of those hicks that line up outside to watch the Today show. I never wanted to become one of THOSE people, but, I guess it just happened. 


Here are a few things I've been learning:
A) Babies are born without any germs in their mouths. When a pacifier falls on the ground, parents aren't supposed to suck on the pacifier and put it back in the baby's mouth. They're supposed to wash it. Parents have nasty mouths. Babies don't. I didn't know that.
2) Having a routine is the best thing for a baby. 
D) I hate the Free section of Craigslist.


The FREE section on Craigslist is really making me grumpy. I keep seeing these Posts that say, "FREE CHAIR", but when you open it up, they have 75 things listed, and it says MUST TAKE ALL. I only want that chair, but instead, I have to take a box that has all sorts of miscellaneous crap in it. There could be anything in that box. Anthrax, a dead rat, used nipple shields, Tom Brokaw, Abe Lincoln's Teeth, who knows! It makes me mad... It Just does... (sigh)


One of these days I'll write something really great. It won't have anything to do with dog poop, Yakima, or Craigslist.