Brad Pitt? More like Dad Pitt!

There's a butt load of stuff to talk about, so let's just get down to business. Apparently as soon as your extremely, insanely HOT wife has a baby, other people suddenly think that YOU are a "Beefcake Studasaurus with a side of OMG I Wanna Piece of That"... Single men, take note! If you want the opposite sex to want you like never before, get a baby. Who cares how you acquire said baby, just get one. Hang around with it, play with it, genuinely love it. Who cares if it's the ugliest baby of all time, just grab one. Single men don't have a brain, so i never understood this concept until I got married and Marisa agreed to have sex with me. When XAVI came along i was unprepared for the amount of attention that I get. People that thought i was a huge douche bag before hand, are somehow under the impression that i have become awesome... This is true!!! I can now walk into a room and WHAM, I've suddenly become Brad Pitt! But in all honesty, the best i can pull off is a really fat Christian Slater look alike. 


Anyway...


So today is my second day as a stay at home dad. I watched the entire Band of Brothers box set and during that time i figured out that Bobby Pins are great for cleaning out your baby's nose. So far i've learned quite a bit... I think the number one thing i've learned is that your baby doesn't want you. He wants his mother. He won't look at you, and if he does glance at you, he'll give you the stink eye. He won't smile at you. He won't make cute noises. He'll frown. All day long. Your sweet, little bundle of joy, your clone, will frown. Even if you do the Elmo voice, he'll want his mom. He'll also tell you that you're dumb. "You don't have foody boobs, you're dumb". Yes,.. i said foody boobs. One thing that you catch yourself doing is making up new nicknames for your baby. Oh Bubba, stop crying, momma will be home soon. Oh Bubby, stop crying, momma will be home soon. Oh, Pops or Poppa,  stop crying, momma will be home soon. Oh Little Man, stop crying, momma will be home soon.
You get the point.


Here's some FACTS about my boy:


XAVI's  full name is always capitalized, and if you think you're gonna get away with lower case letters, YOU'D BETTER THINK AGAIN.
XAVI has been able to roll over from his back to his belly for about a month now, which means, i always have to watch him. He also can scoot clear across our huge, ugly, green and yellow flowered, grotesque, disgusting, flower printed, Great Dane stank, Thrift store couch. He's pretty athletic, which is funny, because his parents just sit on the couch and eat apple crisp. 
XAVI always poops while he's in his Bunny Bouncer. 


Here are some FACTS about myself:


I LOVE my wife and my baby.
I suck at putting XAVI's clothes on.
I might start painting for fun again in the near future, but we'll see. 
AND most importantly,
The FAT, Brad Pitt/Christian Slater "stay at home dad", sure is a sexy beast.