My colon cancer results all came back negative, which is fantastic! I'm relieved, BUT the doctor said that the reason I've been a non stop fountain of bubbling booty goo for the last 5 years is extreme STRESS. I don't think the reason I've been stressed has anything to do with my jacked up hand surgeries, No job, No money, living in the ghetto, gun shots, bullets whizzing by our heads, drug dealers living down the street, the constant smell of skunk outside, child molesters trying to nab me while I'm on the merry go round, the economy, world wars, famines, not getting my coffee in a timely manner, or anything like that... NO, the reason I've been stressed is because my BED TIME is now 7pm. XAVI is like clock work. If he's still out on the town at 7:01, THERE'S HELL TO PAY. He turns into a whole different kid. It's like he becomes Teen Wolf or the Incredible Hulk. It's Wild. When you're a single young bloke, you can stay up until 7am every night of the week. You can do whatever you want, whenever you want, however you want, in any shape you want, in any form you want, and play video games 600,000 hours in a row. Heck, you can call in sick to work JUST TO FINISH ZELDA if you want... Then you get married.... You only stay up until MAYBE 2am, but that's only if there's no work in the morning. You're watching Netflix, drinking wine, and if it's within the first year, Making Out... If it's past 1 year and 1 day, you're Drinking Whisky and watching Sports Center while she's drinking Russian Vodka and reading a smutty novel in another room... Anyway, when you have a baby, (due to the Whisky and Russian Vodka) your bedtime turns into 6 or 7 pm. Your whole entire world becomes about trying to get that kid to SHUT HIS YAPPER.
I have to get something off my chest. It's causing me STRESS.
Nothing irritates me MORE than this stupid feud between Washington State University and the University of Washington. Here's why...I regrettably grew up in Kansas... This has NOTHING to do with Washington. I'm not attached to EITHER one of these teams... They both are terrible...I don't care if this offends anyone...The truth hurts...BADLY... Anyway, I was going to a birthday party in the park the other day, and I needed a hat. Why did I need a hat you ask? I'm a BALD, FAT guy, that's why. Thanks for asking turd... When you're a BALD, FAT guy, you have to wear sunscreen, drive a plumbing van, go through Dairy Queen's drive thru 348 times a day, in addition to the glorious bonus of wearing a hat on sunny days. I couldn't find a hat, so I went to a local sports store to get one.. Marisa and I were already late for the party, (this is another thing that happens when you have a baby) so I get to the hat part of the store, and what do they have? A stack of WSU hats... That's all. This would NOT be my first choice. Unfortunately, we live in the middle of the desert, so the trucks from the good side of the state couldn't bring the UW hats due to the sand, heat, and bad attitudes. So I grabbed a WSU hat, paid for it, and walked out of the store. Right away I was molested by a myriad of WSU fans, Cheering me on as I left the store. Now everywhere I go I'm either being hoisted on people's shoulders or being glared at and heckled by UW fans... THIS IS DUMB... THIS STRESSES ME OUT.
I heard a funny phrase the other day... "You can't make Chicken Soup out of Chicken Poop". This sums up the way I feel about entire UW/WSU feud.
ONWARD...
Something that really, TRULY STRESSES me out is when I see parents being Physically or Verbally abusive to their kids. I have NO PROBLEM confronting these people, and it usually ends up with them scurrying off with their tail between their legs. There is NO REASON TO BE ABUSIVE. I grew up in a family that thought physical abuse was a "perk" of being a parent.
You know what Doesn't STRESS me out? CHRISTMAS. Christmas is great.
Something else that doesn't stress me out are "Little Golden books". Those really take the heat out of a grumpy day. We just found a bunch of them at a yard sale. We bought an entire box for 3 bucks. We were looking through them, and they have those "THIS BOOK BELONGS TO" pages at the beginning of each book, but they all say "Scotty", "Aaron"," Mary", or "Florence". Okay, I made the "Florence" part up... I love those old lady names... Names like, "Mabel", "Virginia", "Olive", or "Edith". When People nowadays are old and wrinkly, the "Little Golden Books" will have names like "Jawaun", "Lemonjello", "Orangjello", "LaFawnda", "Habeeeb", "Keesha", "Bella", "Jacob", "Edward Cullen", "Mocha", "Uniqua", etc... These Kids will have ALL gone to Either WSU or UW, Dropped out, and end up living next door to me.
Talk about STRESS.
