LeBron James, Diane Wade, and the Guy With No Chin

XAVI learned an important lesson last night while he was watching the Dallas Mavericks beat the Miami Heat. He learned that just because you are an arrogant, cocky, "thug life" jerk, that doesn't guarantee you an NBA championship. No, but really... XAVI learned that... He watches TV. He's a funny baby. I know it's bad for babies to watch television, but he's an American, and Americans don't do anything EXCEPT watch TV. You know what I've found? Daytime TV is TERRIBLE and UNBEARABLE for stay at home dads!!! During the weekdays EVERY SHOW that is on is a MAN BASHING SHOW! I'm not kidding! Turn on the TV at any point during the day, and WHAM! MAN HATING.  If it's not man bashing, it's soft core lady porn. These shows are all about men being women's play things. They call these little beauties "soap operas". It's completely insane! I'm not learning anything. I'd rather watch commercials, and I can't stand commercials. I'm a movie freak, so that is my saving grace. 


I'm teaching XAVI what a "Real Man" looks like, so we're watching "Real Man" movies. So far we've watched Band of Brothers, The Bourne series, the ENTIRE 007 box set, Braveheart, and Charlie and Lola. He mostly blows spit bubbles and takes naps. We made sure to watch movies on our big screen with the surround sound blasting "while Marisa was pregnant". That way, when we had our baby, they'd be used to loud bangs and crashes. Now we're reaping those benefits! That kid can sleep through anything! Someone could come running and screaming through our house crashing cymbals, and he would stay conked out! I highly recommend making as much noise as possible during your wife's pregnancy. 


Now, back to the Lebron James, Diane Wade, and the Guy With No Chin story of losing to a bunch of slow, white guys. If XAVI wants to play sports, I'm going to stress to him that anything is possible. My whole life has been an uphill battle of dealing with things that are impossible. I'm not sure, but I think it all started with having a mother that told me that I had a small penis... That can really ruin your childhood... Anyway, I want to make it a point to let my kids know that they are PERFECT just the way they are! I think it is EXTREMELY important for DADS to tell their kids that they are proud of them and to teach them that they don't have to be anything other than themselves! Our whole world is about trying to make each other the same! I can remember wanting to be an explorer when I was little, but I had a teacher that told me that everything had already been discovered, so it was impossible. Every adult in my life was telling me what I COULDN'T do. Well, I want to give my kids the proper tools for success, and I think a huge part of that is letting your offspring know how awesome they are. I think it all starts when they are little like XAVI is. He's 10 weeks old, and we tell that little guy how much we love him 300,000 times a day. 


I shouldn't be surprised, but I am! Even at 10 weeks old XAVI is extremely athletic. He's able to roll from his back to his stomach. This is hard enough for ME to do at 33 years old. It is really cool to get to see your baby learn and achieve new things! We have to put giant, rolled up beach towels beside him at night so that he doesn't roll over onto his tummy. FYI, Babies have to sleep on their backs. Marisa and Myself used to be athletic, but then we got married... Now we're what experts in the field call, "chubby". 


I'm interested to see what XAVI wants to be when he grows up. You know? To see what he's into. We're NOT going to spank or beat our kids, which is one reason I could never be a pastor. That's one profession that I used to want to have. I think that in order to be a preacher, especially in an evangelical church, you have to adhere to lots of things that are lame. Here are some reasons that I could never be a typical pastor:
1) I'm not a Republican (shocking I know, but I have my reasons)
2) I'm not going to spank my kids (shocking I know, but I have my reasons)
3) I don't start wars in the name of God (shocking I know, but I have my reasons)
4) I'm Pro Choice (shocking I know, but I have my reasons)
5) I don't care if people are gay or not (shocking I know, but I have my reasons)
6) I'm not a businessman and not money hungry (shocking I know, but I have my reasons)
7) I'm not into church politics or tithing (shocking I know, but I have my reasons)
8) I believe in the Bible (shocking I know, but I have my reasons)
9) LeBron James will NEVER be better than Michael Jordan. (shocking I know, but I have my reasons)


The Huge difference between LeBron James, Diane Wade, the Guy With No Chin, and myself is that THEY are all Bazillionaires. If I was a Bazillionaire, life would probably be pretty much the same as it is right now. I'd watch movies and make fun of people. No, I'd do other stuff too, like buy the HOME ALONE house, pay off all of my debt, pay off all of my friends' debts, give bums money, buy local art, get a gym membership, and make more babies. Marisa and I want 7 kids. We also would like to adopt a few, so we're looking at a pretty full house by the time we're filthy, stinkin' rich. No. but honestly, I already consider myself the richest man on the planet. I have a place to sleep, food, water, electricity, a beautiful wife, a fantastic baby, the best friends a guy could ask for, I'm not off at war, I'm not in a concentration camp, my family is healthy,  and I didn't just lose the NBA championship to a bunch of old, white guys.