My last post was pretty disgusting, so I'll spare you from all of that "sick and gross" stuff this time. What I will say is that my favorite commercial on TV right now is that J.G. Wentworth one... You know the one I'm talking about? It's that one where everyone is shouting, "IT'S MYYY MONEY, AND I NEEEEEED IT NOWWWW!". Jeeze, I love, LOVE, the very last guy. What a Goon! If you haven't seen this commercial, YOU are missing out big time! I also am in LOVE with the Charter College commercials. There's this one little kid that busts my gut EVERY time I see it. This specific kid says, "I WANT TO OVERCOME CHALLENGES", but the way he says it is brilliant. It sounds like a retard on a 53 year Ritalin binge. IT'S BEYOND AWESOME!
Speaking of retards...
The other day, a guy was a complete A-HOLE to one of Marisa's coworkers. This happens plenty. People are really rude some of the time, but this guy made me BEYOND angry. I won't go into too much detail, but he turned to ME after being a PRICK to them, and then made a few hostile, degrading, low life, scum sucking, dick head comments to me while I was waiting in line. I was wearing a white shirt and Khaki pants, so I must have looked like an employee... At any rate, I was heated for the rest of the day... OKAY, That was the pipe work, now let's fast forward to yesterday. The same dude comes in... This time he's with a friend... They go sit down... I overhear this JERK say he's a PASTOR OF A CHURCH! I could NOT believe it! I still can't... This made me livid. It was really hard for me to believe that this person was a person of kindness, gentleness, hope, and faith... But A PASTOR??? I can't make scenes in my wife's store, so I just sat there grinding my teeth until he left. However, I found out his info... I won't write his real name or anything, but let's just call him RYAN SMITH. I won't write the real name of his church, but let's just call it "LIFE CHURCH TRI-CITIES, aka the old RICHLAND ASSEMBLY OF GOD CHURCH. I won't write down their actual phone number for everyone to call to DEMAND that this "PASTOR" be kicked out of his position, but let's just write down (509) 943-2636, you know, just for "fun".
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE?
YEP.
Okay, I'm done being mean now. Let's change gears and talk about Spanish. I'm trying to relearn Spanish, because the first 15 times I took 101, I failed. That's right. Failed. Marisa is Mexican, so I need to actually learn Spanish. When we go to family gatherings, I am useless. I only know a handful of words. Normally I have to say, co-moe-say-deeee-say, "hey, that deserved a Red Card, not a Yellow Card. That ref is acting like a PASTOR at "Moon Dollars!"---- "Moon Dollars" is a code word for where Marisa works. I can't say the REAL name, but I'm super sure that you can figure out the company she works for. If you can't, you deserve to be on a Charter College commercial. So, XAVI already has a bunch of Spanish/English books. I figure I can talk about Beauty and the Beast and The Little Mermaid the next time we all get together. I screwed around like nobody's business while I was in Hikes School. I was too concerned with being the funny guy in class, and here's the joke. I'm not even funny. NO, It's true. ASK MY FRIENDS! They'll tell you the truth. They know I'm not. I get too nervous and stutter and fumble and get "all locked up". Nobody listens to me in real life, but when I write things down, I'm........STILL.....Still NOT funny...So, in Hikes School Spanish class I was trying to be funny in English. I remember getting kicked out of class for shouting these exact words. "GOT DOWN SAT ON A BENCH!!!" I think that you're smart enough to figure out that if you shout "GOT DOWN SAT ON A BENCH", it sounds like something else. Like "Moon Dollars", that's "code". If you can't figure it out, you might need to give up on life completely. Kill yourself now... You're a moron. In Hikes School, reputable students don't use code words for swearing. They just don't swear. I was not a reputable guy, so i had all sorts of fun "code swear words" that I'd try to slip in when a teacher would call on me. Usually I'd end up in the principal's office. I'd say things like, "THIS IS NUCKING FUTS" and "OUR TEACHER IS A REAL PIECE OF SHHHHHHIN SPLINTS", and "AHHHHHHHHH FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFOGGY DAY, IN LONDON TOWWWWN", ( that one was sung), and "FUT THE WHACK IS GOING ON HERE"
Anyway, calling your teacher "Mr. Anal Veer Ez" when his name was Olivarez, was not right. Today's lesson kids, is that Screwing Around in School is stupid. Pastors Treating people at "Moon Dollars" meanly is stupid. Code words are stupid,,,,, but they are necessary. Making up fake cuss words is stupid. The kid on the Charter College commercial is, Well...Okay, he IS stupid.
Oh, I forgot... Today, a random customer at Moon Dollars told me -----
"YOU LOOK LIKE A WOMAN"
That's right... That JUST happened.
Sorry today's post was so harsh... That's what happens when you won't let me talk about diarrhea.
I need to go watch the J.G. Wentworth commercial to relax.
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